My friend spread her wings and went home to our Father today.
Among the many things she left behind—her love, her legacy, her family—there is also a simple but powerful reminder: the words on her profile picture, “BUT GOD.”
In my grief, I turned to those words, letting them fill the silence, the heartbreak, the unanswered questions. And as I reflected on the conversations we had, on her unwavering faith, I felt her voice so clearly in my heart.
So, I wrote the words I believe she might have spoken. The questions she might have asked. The faith she never lost.
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BUT GOD
But God, why me?
Why this fight?
Why this pain?
Why did cancer steal my strength, my days, my future?
Why did I have to sit on the sidelines, too sick to live the life I love?
Why did I have to miss school drop-offs, sports matches, bedtime cuddles?
Why did I have to watch my body fail me while my heart still had so much left to give?
But God, why do my boys have to grow up without their mother?
Why does my husband have to carry the weight of it all alone?
Why must I leave them when there was still so much life we were meant to share?
Why?
Why?
WHY?
I can’t make sense of it.
It feels unfair.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
But God… then I look up.
I see the stars—scattered, endless, burning bright.
I see the sunrise splitting the darkness, refusing to stay hidden.
I see the love, the kindness, the outpouring of grace I never could have imagined.
I see You.
Because in this pain, I have seen more love than I ever thought possible.
I have seen hands hold mine when I was too weak to stand.
I have seen friends become family, strangers become angels, hearts break open just to let more love in.
And when I see love, I see You—because You are love.
This world is broken.
You never promised it wouldn’t be.
You told us there would be pain, loss, suffering.
But You also promised You would never leave.
Never forsake.
Never abandon.
And now, as I step into eternity,
I see it more clearly than ever.
Life was never about how many years we are given,
But how deeply we love in the years we have.
So tell my boys—
I am in the sun on their faces,
In the wind as they run,
In the love that surrounds them every single day.
Tell my husband—
I am in the strength that rises in him,
In the quiet moments of missing me,
In the arms of those who will never let him walk alone.
Tell them all—
I am not lost.
I am not gone.
I am here, woven into their hearts forever.
But God… now I see
Love is stronger than death.
Love is eternal.
And love will carry us home.
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Written by The Shine Blog for my friend Cath.
Thank you for teaching us and showing us love.
