What Children Do and Don’t Need

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As a pediatric therapist for more than 30 years, I have come up with a list of what I believe kids need and don’t need.  I wish I could have a do-over on a few of these.

What Children Do Not Need:

1. Cell phones when they’re in grade school. Over the years, I cannot tell you one good thing that can come from this.

2. Unlimited access to social media. There is very little that is healthy on social media for children and it is getting worse.

3. So many toys that they can’t even think of something to want at birthday or holiday times. Too much of anything leaves children unable to be full.  They become like buckets with holes in them.

4. Televisions in their rooms. Rooms are for sleeping.  Good sleep hygiene is a dying art for too many children.

5. To be able to control the emotional climate of the home. Moody kids should not be allowed to hold the whole house hostage.  If a child wants to be moody, he can go to his room and be moody by himself.  Everyone else need not suffer.

6. Too much indoor time. Our kids have become hermits with social media and high tech games.  It is ruining their social skills. It’s also taking a toll on their physical well-being.

7. Too many activities outside of school. No wonder this generation is so anxiety-ridden.  They are overloaded.  If we want to teach them to take care of themselves as they age, we must teach them to do that by our example and by limiting their extracurricular activities. Scripture even recognizes the need to rest.

8. To be able to disrespect any authority. Even authority that you as a parent dislike or the child dislikes should still be respected.  There will always be an authority in your child’s life even when your child is 50.

9. To always call the shots. Children who get to always choose where to eat, where to play, and what the family does end up being brats.

10. Constant approval and pats on the back. You will not always be around to do this. Children need to learn to be proud of themselves when they do something good whether anyone tells them or not.

What Children Do Need:

1.Rest. They play hard.  Their bodies need rest to grow and develop.

2. Uninterrupted family time. The most important people to a child are those under the same roof. Make family time purposeful and protected.

3. Outdoor play time where they can explore and create. All kids need free time to imagine.

4. Rules and expectations. Be clear. Be concise. And don’t be afraid to give them.

5. Consistent discipline. If a rule is broken, a child needs to know what to expect. All fear is not a bad thing.  There is a fear that can represent respect.

6. Parents who love them and love each other. Security begins here.

7. For you as a parent to say “no” sometimes. Your child does not need a lollipop or a new shirt every time you go to the shops.

8. Hugs. Physical touch affects the development of children.

9. The ability to share their feelings about anything as long as they are respectful.

10. The most precious gift that a parent can give any child is to demonstrate a personal relationship with God and consistently teach that child through your actions what having faith in God really means. In the toughest times of their lives, they will learn in large part to rely on God by the example you display for them.

 

Written By: Cindy Ketron

Mum’s You Are Enough: Don’t Compare

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The Perfect Social Media Mum

A few days ago while at the pool I watched a young Mama and her little daughter enter the pool area dressed in very nice coordinating swimming suits. The mom, with her perfect loose curls tied up in a coordinating scarf, spent the first few minutes talking loudly on her phone to a friend while her daughter stood waiting to get into the pool.

Mom ended the phone call and proceeded to spread out pool toys and sunscreen on a matching towel.

Then after finding just the right angle and the right light, Mama pulled out her tripod and took a few selfies with her daughter. Her little one asked to get in the pool. Mama said wait and then posed her daughter in front the pool, then going in to the pool and then coming back out of the pool. Little one smiled big and said “cheese” like she’d done it a million times.

Then Mama told her she could play.

Little One walked in and swam around for a couple of minutes. Mama called a friend on her phone and began another conversation while Little One politely and repeatedly asked:

“Mama, can you come in the water with me, please?”
She was ignored.

“Mama, come play with me?” she asked 4 more times.

Mama glanced over at her but never got off the phone. After 10 minutes Mama ended her call, collected the sunscreen that was never applied, the water toys that never touched the water, and then her daughter and left the pool.

I sat there thinking about what I’d witnessed for a while afterwards. I imagined the photos she took being perfectly edited and posted to social media with a caption like: “Pool time with my girly! #Makingmemories”.

What The Real Mumma Sees…

Somewhere another Mama is going to be at home with her children, the house a mess from their play, her hair unruly from a day of mothering and her clothes dirty with spit up or peanut butter. She’s going to be tired because she’s spent her day cooking, caring, cleaning and playing with her children. She’s going to look at that photo and she is going to compare herself to the perfect Mama at the pool.

The Adversary is going to whisper into her ear “you aren’t good enough… You don’t look like that Mama at the pool… You don’t have money to buy expensive swimming suits like that and you don’t have time to make memories like she is” and that young Mama is going to believe it.

She’s going to feel like a failure. She’ll never know that how she spent her time that day was so much better in her children’s eyes than that “perfect Mama” at the pool.

What we see on Social Media isn’t always real. Sometimes and often it’s a complete set-up. It’s staged and filtered and it’s counterfeit.

Sometimes we do see absolutely real photos of vacations and beautiful homes and freshly done hair but it’s only ONE moment. It’s the very best moment out of a whole day spent much like our own. Working, cleaning, and messes…

Mamas, don’t compare yourself. You ARE enough! You are amazing and the very best part is that you are REAL! Your dirty shirt and your messy house and your happy children are real and they are proof that you are doing it right!

Written by Jen Flint

Dear Husband, There Will Be A Life In The Future….

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….But the future must wait!

Dear husband,

There’s a life in the future with little faces in photo frames instead of before our eyes, artwork and ABC magnets won’t adorn our fridge, and these leggings I’m wearing right now will be long gone.

There’s a bed big enough, where little elbows and knees won’t prod us in our sleep and only our feet will swing out in the morning.

There’s a vase placed in reach of little arms because there aren’t any little arms, and mugs will daringly sit on the edge of the table.

There’s a bank balance that looks a bit more forgiving, a bag I leave with that isn’t overflowing, and it will only take us 10 seconds from the door to the car.

There’s a free calendar that isn’t packed with swimming lessons, dance classes and muddy sports shoes. And we’ll get to know each other for a third time, before them, with them, and then when only two jackets hang at the door.

There’s a clean car, the only noise is the hum of the radio. There will be no endless questions in a high pitched voice from the back seat, there may even be days we don’t hear from them at all.

There’s a date night with no curfew, my mums not needed for babysitting, and we aren’t sleeping with one eye open waiting for the shuffle of feet down the hallway. A type of freedom that feels heavy.

There’s a house that’s clean, maybe our couch is new, and we aren’t stepping on Lego or toy cars either. In fact there’s not much colour anywhere, remember how we hated all the colour? Remember how it came with so much happiness?

There’s a dinner table that feels big, we aren’t negotiating bites of vegetables or wiping little hands and mouths. But sometimes there’s a knock on the door and the table is full once more.

There’s a shower that doesn’t sound like baby cries, a coffee that is warm and my body will be my own. We won’t wear tired the same way but time will have aged us anyway.

There will be hard moments to come that will make these moments look easy, but we’ll remember.

We’ll remember the first words, the curls, the “I love you’s” the moments we almost broke, and how we held each other through it. We’ll laugh and we’ll cry just like we did then.

There’s a life in the future and it’s coming for us every day. So let’s get swept up in the beautiful chaos in front of us.

Let’s make the future wait a little longer.

Because I love this life with you so much, this one right now.

Welcome Kids For Who They Are, Not What They Lack

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How The Girl Who Couldn’t Sit Still In School Influenced The World Of Dance

Gillian is a seven-year-old girl who cannot sit in school.  She continually gets up, gets distracted, flies with thoughts, and doesn’t follow lessons. Her teachers worry about her, punish her, scold her, reward the few times that she is attentive, but nothing.  Gillian does not know how to sit and cannot be attentive.

When she comes home, her mother punishes her too.  So not only does she Gillian have bad grades and punishment at school, but she also suffers from them at home.

One day, Gillian’s mother is called to school. The lady, sad as someone waiting for bad news, takes her hand and goes to the interview room. The teachers speak of illness, of an obvious disorder. Maybe it’s hyperactivity or maybe she needs a medication.

During the interview an old teacher arrives who knows the little girl. He asks all the adults, mother and colleagues, to follow him into an adjoining room from where she can still be seen.  As he leaves, he tells Gillian that they will be back soon and turns on an old radio with music.

As the girl is alone in the room, she immediately gets up and begins to move up and down chasing the music in the air with her feet and her heart. The teacher smiles as the colleagues and the mother look at him between confusion and compassion, as is often done with the old. So he says:

“See? Gillian is not sick, Gillian is a dancer!”

He recommends that her mother take her to a dance class and that her colleagues make her dance from time to time.  She attends her first lesson and when she gets home she tells her mother:

“Everyone is like me, no one can sit there!”

In 1981, after a career as a dancer, opening her own dance academy and receiving international recognition for her art, Gillian Lynne became the choreographer of the musical “Cats.”

Hopefully all “different” children find adults capable of welcoming them for who they are and not for what they lack.

Long live the differences, the little black sheep and the misunderstood.

They are the ones who create beauty in this world.

Children Who Shine From Within

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“What’s your favorite insect?” my seven-year-old daughter asked as we took an evening walk on the first night of her spring vacation. “You can’t pick butterfly. Everyone picks the butterfly,” she quickly added before I had a chance to respond.

“Hmmmm,” I thought out loud. “I guess mine would have to be a ladybug,” I finally answered.

“Mine’s a firefly. I love the firefly,” she said wistfully.

We kept walking. Talking. Enjoying the rare treat of alone time—just my younger daughter and me.

And then:

“Am I okay? I mean, am I fine?” she asked looking down at herself.  “Sometimes I feel different.”

I immediately stopped walking and searched her face. Without saying what she meant, I knew; I just knew.

I bent down and spoke from a painful memory tucked away since second grade. “When I was your age. I felt different too. I felt uncomfortable, self conscious. One boy said really cruel things about the way I looked. He said I didn’t belong. His words hurt me for a long, long time,” I admitted.

As she looked at me sadly, her previous words echoed in my head. “Everyone picks the butterfly,” she’d pointed out a moment ago.

I placed my hands on her sturdy little shoulders as if somehow this could make her feel my words right down to the bone. “I want you to know something. You can always talk to me when you feel different or uncomfortable. I will never laugh. I will never judge you or tell you it’s no big deal. I will never brush away your feelings because I understand. I remember how it hurts. And some times you just need someone to understand that hurt.”

“I love the firefly,” she had said a moment ago. I then realized I had something she could hold on to.

“You mentioned that you love the firefly,” I reminded her. “Well, I think you’re a lot like a firefly. You know why?” I asked.

The worry on her face lifted. She looked at me hopefully. “Why, Mama?”

“Because you shine from within,” I said touching my finger to her heart. “Not everybody sees it, but I do. I see it. And my job is to protect that light. So when people say mean comments that squelch that light, I want you to tell me. I will protect your light by listening and loving you, my brave, courageous, and unique little firefly.”

My daughter stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck.  She still said nothing—not one word. Maybe it was because she was on the verge of tears. Maybe it was because silent comfort was all she needed in that moment. I can’t be sure. But what I can be sure of is this: this story is not over.

You see, as weeks have passed, I haven’t been able to stop thinking of our firefly talk and the timing of this message. The end of the school year can be hard for kids, especially the Fireflies—those who shine from within. And it’s that time—time for awards, banquets, recognition, and applause. The Butterflies will be noticed. So brilliant. So colorful. Their talents so obvious. But let us not forget the Fireflies. Their triumphs are quiet and unsuspecting. Their gifts might even go completely unnoticed.

A firefly might be a seat saver on the bus so someone doesn’t have to go to the intimidating back row.

A firefly might be a songwriter who pens music in his nightly dreams and hums away his days.

A firefly might be an artist that creates pictures you can feel with your soul.

A firefly might save his money for years just waiting for his heart to tell him, “That’s the one who needs your help.”

A firefly might stay up past bedtime calculating numbers beneath the covers because he was born a mathematician.

A firefly might be the I.T. kid of the school who jumps at the chance to help teachers with their computer woes.

A firefly might get lost in a cloud of flour, delighting in culinary arts.

A firefly might be a horseback rider finding peace in the company of animals and nature.

A firefly might devour a 357-page book in one sitting.

A firefly might have eyes for the lonely, looking for someone who wonders if she’s invisible.

A firefly might stick up for the lost, the rejected, the alone.

A firefly might be the lost, the rejected, the alone … just waiting for someone to notice his light among all the bright, fluttering wings of the Butterflies.

Maybe you know a Firefly. Maybe you love a Firefly.

If you do, please don’t wait.  Don’t wait for someone to hand him an award or a give her a certificate to make their talents and gifts “official.” That day may never come. So say it now. Say this:

I see your light.

I see it when you pick up your guitar.

I see it when you make brushstrokes of yellow, green, and gold.

I see it when you sing with your eyes closed.

I see it when you laugh with your mouth open wide.

I see it when you stand along the water’s edge dreaming of your future.

I see your light, my brave and courageous, firefly.

You shine from within.

And regardless if anyone else sees it or not—you know it’s there, and I know it’s there.

So keep shining.

Keep singing.

Keep creating.

Keep dreaming.

Keeping caring.

Keep adding, subtracting, and multiplying.

Keep making your magic.

And just you wait. Someday the world is going to see what I see. And your light will be so beautiful, so brilliant, so bright that the world is going to stop and wonder where such a light comes from.

And you and I will both know that light, well, it’s been there all along.

Because you are a Firefly.

You shine from within.

And I am here to protect that light, my brave and courageous firefly.

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Content By: Rachael Macy Stafford – The Hands Free Revolution

Children Don’t Need A Perfect Mum. They Need A Happy One.

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Last week I had coffee with a friend and she was convinced that she is failing as a mom. She said all the moms around her (or that she follows on social media) seem to have it all together but she messes up daily!

She said other moms are all perfectly put together, have perfectly dressed kids who appear to be just as perfectly behaved. She then asked what is wrong with her because some mornings she can’t even brush her hair!

And this got me thinking, how many of us feel the same way but just don’t voice it? Have you ever felt this comparison pressure? Alone in your mom guilt and too scared of judgment to admit it?

If you have ever asked the question, “what’s wrong with it me”, I’m here to tell you- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! God chose you as the perfectly imperfect mom for your children. There is no better mom for your kids. 

Not one of us is perfect. We all mess up daily but the beauty is that we can give it our best again tomorrow. Gods mercies are new every morning  (I can’t even count how many times I’ve repeated this to myself when I go to bed with mom guilt!)

We judge, criticise and beat ourselves up about failing as a mom because we are comparing ourselves against a perfect standard we assume is there. When in fact it’s just an illusion and is incorrect. NO ONE, (I repeat) NO ONE has it together! So stop believing this lie.

What our children need is not a mom striving to be perfect in everything. What they need is a mom who is happy. A mom full of joy because she knows that God believes she is enough for her children. The Master of the universe knows that you have the skills & abilities to raise your little people better than anyone else! Now isn’t that a glorious truth!

So even if your floors are sticky, your laundry pile is sky high, your hair is in a permanent messy bun and your last meal was your kids unfinished food…. Smile. You are enough for your kids gorgeous mama. Your love, laughter and joyous smile is all they need. Stop comparing. Stop the guilt and walk confidently into the title the role God has given you.

Content and Image Source: Written by Juggling The J’s – on Facebook