I Am Who You Say I Am
My daughter was in hysterical sobs when I collected her from school yesterday. She managed to keep everything together until she opened the car door, and then she melted into tears the moment she knew she was safe.
“Mum, I am not good enough,” she howled in desperate agony. “I am a ‘C Team’ player and every other girl in my class is in the ‘A Team’. They are a gang of sporty girls. And I am on the outside. I am just not good enough. I don’t measure up. I try so hard but never seem to get anywhere.”
Her pain rang a dagger right through my heart. Here was this child who, in my eyes, is sheer perfection. She is gifted with remarkable talents outside the sporting arena which will take her way further in life. And yet here she was berating herself and challenging her own worth based on her (lack of) sporting prowess.
How many of us are judging ourselves on one area of our lives in which we don’t quite measure up and applying that pecking order to the rest of our lives? Your marriage hasn’t worked out, so you must be a failure. You haven’t cracked it at work, so you must be a failure. You don’t have the looks, so you must be a failure. You are feeling lost and purposeless, so you must be a failure. Your finances are in a mess, so you must be a failure. Your kids have been rebellious, you are a hopeless parent and you feel like – yup you guessed it – a failure.
I am here to tell you to STOP that. Stop it right now. Not all of us have all our ducks in a row at any point in time. In fact if you are anything like me, your ducks are flying all over the show! One area in which we are not succeeding according to societies benchmark, does not mean that we are holistically not enough.
Yes your marriage may have failed, but you are a glorious person, you have great kids, you have food in your fridge and a roof over your head. You may not have cracked the top job yet, but maybe God has other way better plans for your life. Stop rushing through the journey and trust that what is meant to be will come to you in the right time.
Until then, keep showing up, keep trying your best. Isn’t that the best we can do? Life is not only about pitching ourselves against each other in order to ascertain our worth. Life is not only about winning. It’s about fun, friendship, laughter, challenge, giving, caring and being kind. We may not be able to measure those things, and they may not win awards, but they are so much more worthy and fulfilling than placement.
I was praying for my daughter on my run this morning and the song “Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong came on. The lyrics spoke wisdom that I will plant directly into my wounded daughters heart. I highly recommend listening to the full, life-breathing song. Here are some excerpts:
Who am I that the highest King
Would welcome me?
I was lost but He brought me in,
Oh His love for me.
While I was a slave to sin,
Jesus died for me.
Yes, He died for me
In my Father’s house,
There’s a place for me.
I’m a child of God.
Yes I am.
I am chosen not forsaken,
I am who You say I am.
You are for me, not against me,
I am who You say I am.
My dear friends, if you are pitching your self worth on a societal pecking order, please can I remind you, that you are first and foremost who GOD says you are. He thinks that you are so wonderful that he sent his one and only son to die for YOU. YOU are chosen. YOU are not forsaken. YOU are who God says you are!
Now go out there and shine His light in the world and God bless your beautiful heart.